I listened to a podcast this week where a manager was talking about being afraid of losing staff due to the current tight job market.
There followed a discussion on how she should create more harmony within her team, so as to not upset the apple-cart. In a nutshell, it was recommended that she be extra nice to her staff; to become a people pleaser. By doing this, her staff would stay, said the leadership expert.
Oh dear. What silly advice that is.
Rather than trying to create this harmony nonsense, you should strive to build a culture of challenge: one where you challenge your staff, they challenge each other, and they challenge you (the most important one). In a healthy way; none of that childish shouting, pointing, or sulking behaviour. A culture of (healthy) challenge will keep everyone engaged, bring out their best and help protect your business from that pesky competition lurking just outside.
Doing this means you’ll occasionally have to make tough decisions that not everyone agrees with. This will make the apple-cart wobble. Apples will fall: some staff will get their noses out of joint. You won’t be liked.
To help you develop my favourite “Ah well” response in these moments, some useful home-truths about people-pleasing for managers:
👉 Your job is not to be liked. It’s to be a good manager. Then, in time, a great manager.
👉 Do things right and you’ll end up being respected. Down the track, that may translate to being liked. But that’s not the goal. If “liking you” occurs, it’s a bonus.
👉 It shouldn’t bother you when you’re not the town favourite. It should bother you if your team aren’t achieving what needs to be achieved.
The practical implementation of this? Lead by example. How? In meetings, encourage staff to challenge you by saying things like:
👉 What am I missing here?
👉 Convince me otherwise.
👉 What other options should I consider?
👉 Why is this a bad idea?
It still falls on you to weigh everything up and make the final decision. But make it without trying to be liked; without striving to be a people pleaser.
This doesn’t mean you have to become a hard-arse, by the way. Or a bully. You can still be kind, empathetic, friendly, understanding, etc. But it does mean you need to foster a culture of curiosity, independent thinking, questioning, improving, … and challenging.
And that will ruffle some feathers.
Please like me? I’m okay if you don’t. But we can still work together to achieve remarkable things.
