“The problem with self-awareness is everyone thinks they’re self-aware.”
So said a C-Level Executive to me at a bar in Hobart, some years’ ago. We were having a drink and chatting about the importance of realising that how we might see ourselves isn’t always how others see us. It’s a funny thing when the realisation hits.
Case in point: I met someone at a conference who told me he was a great manager. But it turned out his team hated him: the way he acted, what he did, what he said, and the way he said things. He got fired, a few months later.
Oh dear. An example of low self-awareness.
As a leader or manager, this is an area worth exploring. Becoming aware of your strengths and weaknesses is a good starting place.
I’m aware, for example, that I’m comfortable talking in front of a large group of people. Not in a cocky way; I just know that’s one of my strengths. So it should be – it’s a huge part of my job, plus I teach people how to do it. I also know (but didn’t, for a long time) that if I don’t like someone I write them off pretty quickly. My manner, my attitude towards them, then becomes abrupt, dismissive, and arrogant in nature. Which is rude. And makes me an arse. Whereas what I should do is be more patient, get to understand them, behave better in their company, and learn to work productively with them regardless of my personal feelings. That’s one of my weaknesses.
But we can dig deeper.
Having the ability to step outside yourself and watch how you react to situations, understanding your emotions, thinking about your personal values, and acting according to those values in times of pressure (err, that’s a really tough one) … all these things are incredibly valuable.
Exceptional managers and leaders confront this stuff, and do so regularly. It might involve getting a coach or mentor, being trained in how to do it, getting feedback from others etc. But if you can do it well, it means you will:
👉 make informed decisions
👉 inspire trust and respect in your team
👉 evolve your skills
👉 identify your weaknesses (and make the necessary improvements)
👉 see your own work performance without donning a big pair of rose-coloured glasses
👉 take responsibility, both for your actions and behaviour
👉 handle complex work relationships, and do so with genuine empathy
👉 react far better under pressure and stress (and treat others with kindness in those tricky moments)
After all, can any of us really say “This is what I’m like”, with a high degree of certainty? How we see ourselves and the way we interact and behave with others, is clouded by the 60,000 or so thoughts racing through our heads each day. Self-awareness is about trying to get a clearer picture of “the real me”.
How self-aware are you?
It’s worth a look.
