This week on SBS there was an episode of Insight titled, “Love at Work”.
It said that more than a third of us meet our partners at work, and then asked the question: how much say should employers have over our love lives?
I’ve been asked about Office Romances a few times, during my workshops for managers. Is dating someone at work a good idea? Do I have any helpful advice?
As you’d expect, the discussion starts with a few nervous laughs, and one or two participants “just asking for a friend.” Like many areas of management, it’s a tricky one. We’d love management to be black and white but people are complex so it’s often grey.
Firstly, I tell them it’s important to remember that the people at work we are talking about here are all adults … and adults have the right to make their own choices. I have seen quite a few people I’ve worked with – particularly in corporate world i.e. for larger employers – get involved romantically with someone else at work. Sometimes we’re talking “proper dating” (however you want to define that) vs. other times more of a “brief encounter”, often at a conference or work function/party (everyone knows what that one means).
Secondly, I note that my advice these days is perhaps different to what it would have been just 10 years ago. It’s certainly different to what it would have been 20 years ago. These days, when managers & leaders ask me about getting involved romantically with someone at work – particularly with people (workers) who are part of their direct team – here’s what I tell them:
LEAVE YOUR SEXUAL SELF AT HOME
In other words, don’t go there. Yep, simple as that. Except it’s not always that simple, is it? I also know it’s not really what those people who ask me for this advice, want to hear. So I then tell them that if they choose to ignore this then hey, that’s totally fine. But … in that case … please do the rest of us a favour: don’t do the whole “woe is me” if things go pear-shaped and you find your job – or even career, these days – in tatters. Everyone needs a pair of big boy pants (both males and females); you know the risks when you make your decision to pass Go and collect $200.
There’s no judgement here, by the way. Nor am I lecturing at all. It’s your life; go for it if you really want to. I know people who met their partner at work, ended up getting married and even still work together (my better half just said she could think of nothing worse than having to work with me all day and still see me at night). The point being that office romances can work. Of course they can. But generally? They don’t. We also live in an age where power dynamics are regularly cited, and employees are very aware of how to make a BUHADI complaint against their manager (that’s my acronym for BU-llying HA-rassment and DI-scrimination). We can discuss BUHADI another time; it’s a biggie.
Office romance? I’d suggest no. But if you choose yes, don’t forget those big boy pants.
