This week’s post is a little different from my usual leadership content. I’m writing it on a flight back to Melbourne from Sydney, reflecting on the past two days at a conference in Bowral, NSW.
I only knew a handful of the attendees before the event. Most were new faces. Yet, after two days of sharing laughs, having interesting conversations, and even discussing some pretty personal topics, those who were initially strangers are strangers no more. In time, some may even become friends. Maybe not, I get that. But maybe (I prefer the glass-half-full approach).
As the conference wrapped up and we bid each other farewell, I remembered something that happened to me a few years ago at a dinner party. I was talking to the husband of one of my friends, about friendship – about how valuable it is and how lucky we are to have good friends in our lives. I mentioned to him that I was open to making new friends, even now, in my late 50s. He responded:
👉 “Not me. I’ve got enough friends.”
I understood (partially) his rationale. He had a busy life: a demanding job with long hours, a young family to raise and take care of, some exercise squeezed in, and maybe the odd holiday. His message was clear: “I’m busy. I barely have enough time for my current friends. Let alone adding new ones to the mix.”
We are all different and we each have our own beliefs and opinions. Which is fine. But something about his view has never sat right with me.
Since I was a boy, I’ve loved meeting new people. Everyone has their own special personality, and their own unique story. I enjoy listening to those stories. Sure, we don’t like everyone we meet (nor they, us). And sometimes it takes meeting hundreds of people before a friend is found. But when that friendship nugget is discovered, it is one of the most beautiful things in life. And it can happen at any age. I’m different to the husband who said he’d found all his friends by his early 20s, and who has now firmly closed the door to new pals. My door? It’s always open.
If it wasn’t, my best friend wouldn’t be a Scotsman I met at the local football club when I was 33. The man who will be my Best Man – at a wedding that will happen tomorrow, coincidentally – after 25 years of friendship filled with laughter, fun, and adventure. But it doesn’t always have to be so grand; over the past few years, I’ve also met some lovely “new” people who are fast becoming very important to me, and whose company I’m starting to value highly. So should I shut the door now? Is my friendship room full?
It fascinates and excites me to think that somewhere in the world right now, there’s a person who could yet become one of my closest friends in my twilight years. I wonder where they are, what they look like, sound like, what makes them laugh, and what they’re doing right now. Who knows – they might even be reading this post.
Too many friends?
Not in my lifetime.
