“Don’t come to me with a problem without bringing at least three possible solutions.”
You’ve probably heard this advice before. It’s often recommended that managers (such as yourself) use this phrase – or something like it – to empower staff to think critically and solve problems on their own.
It’s supposed to be an effective coaching tool, one that encourages independent thought and problem-solving.
But does it actually work? Do you like it when your own manager throws this at you?
Personally, I’ve always found it really annoying.
I understand the intent. I’ve even used it myself with my team (and then cringed when I did). But over time, I’ve realized many managers use it as a lazy shortcut. It can be a way to avoid providing guidance when, in fact, the employee is genuinely stuck and needs help. Which takes effort on your part.
If your staff member isn’t the lazy type, then chances are they’re coming to you because they’re genuinely at an impasse. Sure, empowering your staff is crucial, but effective coaching requires flexibility. Mixing it up is the key to long-term success.
So, what’s a better approach? Try these instead:
🗣 “What do you think? What ideas are you tossing around in your head? Even if they sound silly, tell me.”
🗣 “Let’s figure this out together. Where’s a good place to start?”
🗣 “Sure, I’ll give you my thoughts. But I also want to hear why you think I might be wrong.”
🗣 “Honestly, I don’t have a clue either! What should we do now?”
🗣 “The answer is <xyz>. Let’s talk about why.”
Your goal? To get your team to think, learn, and grow. But let’s not forget the real point: solving the problem they came to you with. After all, that’s what they’re really after.
I went through a tough breakup years ago. We saw a relationship counsellor towards the end. The counsellor kept trying the “give me three possible solutions” tactic in our sessions, to every question I asked. I found it infuriating.
Why?
Because sometimes you don’t need someone trying to be clever, continually throwing it back to you to work it out. Sometimes you just need an expert – a coach, a trusted advisor, a manager – to give you the answer. Or at least offer an opinion. Sure, I owned the final decision (we broke up; no surprise there) but that experience taught me something important: constantly asking questions, instead of occasionally providing a solution, isn’t as clever as it first seems.
You tell me? Maybe.
But today – let me just give you the answer instead.
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📞 Need help introducing change and sparking innovation in your team? Looking to build a stronger, more dynamic work culture? Let’s chat – I’m here to help.
